"Women On the Mission to Bear fruit"
sarahs W.O.M.B ministry
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CONTRIBUTOR
CHINAZA DUSON
Atlanta, GA
Prologue from her Autobiography
"The Unavoidable Suffering"
Expected Release Month: August 2010
Dear My Past ,
March 30, 2010
For too long have I reflected upon your elements, memorized dates of absence, painful moments, the years of abuse, the days of relentless tragedies, hours of familial injustice, named eras after movements, mourned the extinction of loved ones, cursed my natural born mother, and cried out thirsty for a lack-sick-dasical and bastard father, worn good will clothes and cloaked myself with constant reminders and the references that remind me of your very hold on me.
I have walked through the halls of my history and wonder how it is was that greatness had lived and died during my time. Parts of me have feared becoming like the others because it seemed to include a price of destitution, death and a postmortem glory that my heart could never resurrect. I've stared at paintings dying to catch glimpses of the painter, closed my eyes to listen to songs that only drunken spirits could dance to, and all the while I've fought to get FREE from the past with my FUTURE present to BECOME.
In 1985, I the lonely 8 year old stood cold in the banks of Buffalo's snow, barking cries at the full moon of the winter solstice, cursing death while wedging words into snowbanks, sewing seeds through bitter wind - did you even hear me.
In 1986, I forced the back my cries, prayed to the father, climbed fences, and began to decipher the sirens long enough to conjure up the reality that my nightmare- had attempted to envelop me as a Child of the Night.
In 1987, I layed in a bland color detention hall of juvenille prisoners captive while bending bars with the power of my thoughts as I was served sentences and my pain-dandified itself: stealing golden calves from the Old Testament to smuggle into the lavish crib of Pontius Pilate for my coming out celebration...
In 1994, I swallowed my fears and sun-danced on my heels, I ran like the wind, potraying a me that had not yet been born into a me that might not never be.
And HERE I stand, on March 30, 2010 16 years the difference and witness to the changing tides to come.
Dear My Past...
I have already beat you. I stand a generator of generations bearing witness to a world that I hold accountable for its past actions. I am changing my diet, re-inventing love, check-mating capitalism, re-defining ethics, replacing cruelty with compassion, and have sworn not to re-elect the sins of my mother or father.
I am casting out the lesser of evils and for change adopting greater insight.... I am wisdom for out of the mouths of this babe... Is the blood that has MADE me WHOLE and enabled the blood in my hands and feets to roam back into me and bleed into ONE.
You are behind ME and I refuse to look back. As I POUNCE on the threshold of new time, new days, new worlds, and charging forward with a egregious battle cry and with trumpets of GLORY, while cynicism, apathy, and cowardice take their place beside the emotional and spiritual cast aways... behind me.
I No longer believe in you. I have pulled out of the shaky market and invested my thoughts and dreams into a MUTUAL present moment while opportunity to shift my reality into one that does not resemble the national deficit of economic crisis.
I stand tall on the shoulders of those who mirror me and have dared to dream and on the necks of those who have once or continue to try and waste their time and mines proclaiming and reminiscing on a past past its prime.
Blitz! It's my turn now. You can have my mounds of flesh, my stilleto leather boots, your generational nooses and guillotines, the spiritual warships and fighter planes, my past of trails of tears and blood, emotional genocide, dungeons and dragons, ghost stories and never never land and happily ever after fairy tales.
As of Today .. this moment _ 9:54 PM; I've RETIRED YOU... forget my phone number, your no longer psychic and well there is NO FUTURE in you. I will not chase you down, beg you to stay, I will not revisit your premises ... YOUR ARE DEAD to me..
Checkmate...
Hello My Future...
Dear My Past
